It is pretty cold today, according to the National Centre for Inference Assumption and Conjecture.
Temperatures reached negative seven degrees Celsius overnight, and in the morning it was still quite cold.
NCIAC Chief Weatherologist Hal Ibutz said that it was so cold today he had to run his car for five minutes before leaving in order to get rid of some of the frost.
“It’s so cold today, I had to wear two layers of thermals underneath my business shirt, merino wool jumper, puffy vest and big woollen coat on the way to work,” he said.
“It’s so cold, I put some bottles of soft drink in the fridge last night, but this morning the ones in my lounge were colder.
“It’s so cold, I could see my own breath, before I even got out of bed.
“It’s so cold, I had to get some ice cubes out of the freezer to warm the shower up before getting into it.”
NCIAC Investment Expert Chadwick Radwick agreed that it is pretty cold today.
“I had to pull frost out of my hair this morning before leaving the house, it was so cold,” he said.
“I made myself a coffee this morning with my amazing three-thousand-dollar espresso coffee machine, complete with frothed milk and a dash of sugar. I decided it might be worth adding a splash of caramel syrup, but by the time I got back from the cupboard to add the syrup, my coffee was literally frozen solid.
“Luckily, I had unintentionally left the tea spoon in my coffee, so I had a delicious flat white coffee ice block to enjoy on the bus to work.”
Temperatures continue to be low as the heating system in the NCIAC office is currently undergoing maintenance.
Chief Weatherologist Hal Ibutz is available for comment about how cold it is today.
Media enquiries: email@example.com